As times goes by

I’m torn between my wife and the woman of my dreams

Dear Bel,
I am 35, married to a caring and loving wife, with two beautiful children aged 7 and 4. I have fallen deeply in love with a colleague at the office, aged 33, who is also married with two children the same age as mine. My feelings have been going on for the past three years and are growing stronger by the day, but she is — I think — not aware of them. I think about her all the time, including holidays and weekends. We often talk about our private lives, so we know each other quite well.
Now I am torn between two things. One is the knowledge that an affair can bring only pain and misery to all involved, not least my children and hers. The other is the fear that on my deathbed, when the time comes, there will be a bitter regret of having missed out on what I feel is a fundamental need: having shared life with the woman of my dreams. In other words, I am torn between duty and my responsibilities on the one hand, and passionate love on the other.
I see no happy way out of all this and just wish I could go back and change the course of events. I know deep down that I will always stick with my wife, to whom I owe so much — I couldn’t bear her having to endure the pain. But I am also deeply miserable and lovesick. I don’t know how to move on and forget this young woman who has come to mean so much to me, and whom I adore.